The letter Y

When I started this journey, I had to do a lot of soul searching to find the reason why I wanted to do it. What I've done, and am still doing is not something that most people have ever been able to accomplish, and although there are some things I wish I had changed on my way, I still consider it a great success so far. My encouragement was not to impress, but rather be recognized as something other than everyone’s fat friend. Friend of all, enemy and lover of none so to speak. I know that no one would have ever said that to my face, but what people do not realize is that words are only 20% of communication, 80% is body language.

Well two weeks ago I had a party with all my friends, and I am a victim of my own success. I cannot say that I have totally succeeded, because I still have a long ways to go in my mind... but in theirs I had done what was what impossible. The compliments where very obvious; these people who I hadn’t seen in three or more months were shocked, amazed if you will at how well I have done. This is a good thing, and one of those welcome side effects I was totally expecting… but this side effect had a repercussion I was not prepared for.

I left that party feeling great inside, I had done what no one thought I could. But that was exactly the problem… even though my goal was 30 lbs more I had already succeeded to all these people and it caused the motivation to disappear… there was no reason to continue in whole because it would be dam near impossible to get that reaction from them again, a reaction I do admit I crave.

So over the past two weeks I’ve done some more soul searching while continuing the meal plan… mostly because I like the food and it saves me money. I needed more inspiration, I need a reason to get up an hour early every morning and go and work my ass off… with no one else to impress other than myself. Now, I have been so fat for so long that I’ve successfully desensitized myself. I had the overwhelming ability to look in a mirror and honestly not care what stood staring back at me. With that kind of attitude it’s kind of hard to look at myself every morning and feel any achievement, because I just don’t care, I am motivated purely by what other people think of me.

This answer should have been obvious to me, I am a software engineer, and I am a slave at best to the internet and all of its offerings. Starting today I begin a new journey. Instead of holding myself accountable to those I hold close and dear, those real people staring back at me, I am going to hold myself accountable to the internet and the millions of readers where the compliments cannot run low. Now, I realize at this point my reader base is limited at best, but that’s ok because I do not expect any comments from anyone because I know you will all be thinking the same thing… How far I have come.

Starting today, I will be taking daily photos and hopefully uploading them every day, or at a minimum on a weekly basis along with the meal plan, and everything. My audience, my followers, will become my accountability. This will be done for one month, with the possibility of longer depending how it goes.

*Success is limited. I am not.*
T.